Ghosts
The Perfect Assistant
season 2
episode 11
Editor’s rating
Photo: Bertrand Calmeau/CBS
Let’s get it out of the way up top, ghosties: There is not one mention of the hookup heard ’round the world from the last episode. No lingering glances between two certain ghosts, no popping into rooms looking suspiciously disheveled — nothing. It probably has more to do with scheduling than anything else, and yet still, I can’t help but feel disappointed because — not to be too dramatic — Hetty and Trevor going at it like the horndogs they are changed me as a person. Mind, body, and soul! Alas, we will have to wait for more details on that development. Hey, at least to soften the blow, Ghosts kicks off Nichole Sakura’s guest arc as car ghost (you heard that right, car ghost) Jessica. Sakura was a scene-stealer in the late, great Superstore, so it’s no surprise she is a welcome addition here, with our own lovable group of misfits just trying to make it through the day.
So how does Jessica the Car Ghost find herself at the Woodstone B&B? Let’s goooooooost.
Business is apparently going well for Sam and Jay — even if it feels like Ghosts is really missing some opportunities to have fun with B&B guests — or at least well enough that the Arondekars decide to hire an assistant. It’s kind, enthusiastic Freddie (Mike Lane) who wins the gig, which is unsurprising since he’s incredibly overqualified and unafraid to heap praises on Sam and Jay for what they’ve managed to pull off thus far. While Sam and Jay are over the moon for this guy who is going to revitalize operations, the ghosts are disturbed. Or, rather, their time to speak freely to Sam without making her look like a lunatic is disturbed, and they won’t stand for it! Who will open their windows so they can stare pensively out of them for hours? The ghosts are very whiny today. Someone get them a pizza to sniff or something.
Freddie causes upheaval in another, unexpected way: Yep, Jessica the car ghost. The Woodstone ghosts have never heard of such a thing, and it sends them reeling a bit (I love how worked up the ghosts get when they learn new ghost rules — “going down on us,” car ghosts, etc.). But it’s true — that girl hanging out in Freddie’s car is real dead, and she has the shard of glass sticking out of her forehead to prove it. Jessica explains that she was hit by the car while walking home from a boozy brunch and now she’s stuck there (and a five-foot boundary around the car) forever. Where the car goes, she goes. She says it’s actually kind of nice since currently Freddie delivers food for a living, so she gets to drive around all the time, plus she gets to smell a lot of different things. Such things we have to look forward to in the afterlife, huh? No wonder Sas instantly falls for Jessica — she appreciates a good-smelling pizza, too. Relationships have been forged from less, people, and don’t you ever forget it.
But when the ghosts show off their new car ghost friend to Sam — they really are adorably excited — Jessica makes sure Sam has all the information on Freddie. You see, Freddie might seem nice and he might have an above-average word-per-minute typing ability, but, Jessica explains, he’s the one who killed her in a hit-and-run… and he dumped her body in the woods to boot. As Jay notes when he and Sam try in vain to rationalize keeping on their perfect assistant, it’s hard to get past the body-in-the-woods thing because “that’s a string of decisions.” They make up an excuse and basically fire Freddie. This grown man, now forced back into delivery app hell, is the saddest of sacks. The ghosts, however, rejoice that they have Sam’s undivided attention back.
That is, until they figure out that Jessica made the whole story up so that she could make sure Freddie would keep his delivery job — she doesn’t want to spend her afterlife in the Woodstone B&B’s driveway! Give her the open road! Give her Arby’s horsey sauce to smell! That’s living—er, well, you know what I mean. When the ghosts learn that Jessica, buzzed from the mimosas, ran herself into a telephone pole and died and Freddy bought her car after the fact, they begin to feel a little guilty for aiding and abetting Jessica’s lie and getting Freddie fired. But it’s not until they see that giving up their assistant is making things much harder on Sam and Jay that the ghosts feel really bad. They’re kind of okay with ruining Freddie’s life, but hurting Sam and Jay in any way at all? They would never. They just love each other so much, guys!
Sam and Jay aren’t thrilled with their ghost friends once they explain the entire situation, but mostly they’re focused on winning Freddie back. They order a whole pile of burritos hoping they’ll wind up with Freddie as their delivery driver. Eventually, Freddie shows up, burrito in hand. Sam and Jay beg for him to come back, and after negotiating a bonus of three burritos, Freddie’s back in. Everybody’s pretty happy with this turn of events — especially Sas, who can continue to flirt with Jessica — but I don’t know, I’m worried! It won’t be long until Freddie notices something’s up at Woodstone, right?
Elsewhere, Thor’s in need of some assistance, too. Ghosts gets a little more mileage out of the gag in which Thor and his “adult ghost baby son” Bjorn can only communicate by screaming at one another through their respective windows. Bjorn’s being bullied by Judy Farnsby, the ’50s-housewife ghost over at the Farnsby mansion. Thor’s instinct is to advise his son to inflict pain, physical or emotional, on Judy, and it’s Pete who attempts to show him there are other ways to resolve conflict.
O Thor. He’s been dead for over 1,000 years and yet he still can’t shake his predisposition for both violence and casual misogyny, but he’s learning, people. Sure, at first he’s angry with Pete for taking it upon himself to talk to Bjorn about open and honest communication and jealous that Pete seems to be a natural at this whole fatherhood thing. However, when Pete explains that his own father was “a distant tough guy” like Thor (Thor’s “thank you” in response is perfect) and that he desperately wanted to be seen and understood by him, it gives Thor a new perspective on things . He needs to let Bjorn be who he is, even if that’s different from Thor. It’s a nice little lesson for our Viking, and anyway, Judy was only being mean to Bjorn because she has a thing for him. Ghosts is really leaning into horny ghosts, and I approve this message.
• Here’s Hetty’s theory as to why so many of the assistant applicants are “duds”: “I blame child labor laws. How are people supposed to get experience when they’re wasting their youth in schools?”
• Okay, so which do we think is Thor’s favorite in the Housewives franchise? New Jersey? Beverly Hills?
• “That’s what uncles do. They give you advice and buy you weed and stare too long at your friends.”
• What happens to car ghosts when the car gets crushed or recycled for parts?! These are the kinds of questions Jay should be adding to his Ghost Notes. Very important!
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